I need some advice about an impending visit to my city by an ex-boyfriend.
I dated "Brian" in college for about a year. He had liked me for a
while and kind of swooped in while I was in an incredibly emotionally
vulnerable place and going through a rather traumatic breakup. He
brought me coffee, was there for me, and within weeks was in my bed. He
is incredibly smart and sweet and really liked me, but at the time --
honestly, he was kind of a loser. He was smoking a lot of pot (I went to
a West Coast public school, so this was not anti-social behavior by any
means, but still), was slacking in his classes, and generally not
trying at any aspect of his life.
After about a year of dating, I finally got over it and dumped him.
We were in the same group of friends and continued to hang out, and over
the years we've developed a strong friendship. He got his act together,
finally graduated college, and is now attending grad school and
pursuing his dreams. I'm proud of him. Likewise, he's been really
supportive of me through the years as well.
Last summer, I was back on the West Coast visiting friends. I had
been single for a while, was not feeling particularly connected to
anyone, and ended up sleeping with him. It was not expected but we had a
good time. Since then, he's been texting me fairly regularly, and
sometimes his messages are suggestive. I do text back, but typically am
dismissive of the sexual innuendo. I haven't told him that the texts
occasionally make me feel uncomfortable.
I've been living on the East Coast for a few years now and he's
always talked about how he'd like to visit but can't afford it. Earlier
this year, he started talking about visiting again, and I told him it
would be great to see him, but I didn't really take his comments
seriously. But then he let me know that he went ahead and booked plane
tickets to my city -- for a full week in April (he is coming next week).
I am angry that he didn't actually consult me about when it would
work for me to have him visit, or whether I was actually comfortable
with him staying with me for that amount of time. I'm in school and
April is a very busy time for me. I live in a tiny studio and don't have
a couch or any other place for him to stay. I know he can't afford to
stay in a hotel. I don't know if he has any other friends in the area he
can stay with, but I know that he's assuming that he'
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